Title: Father of Mine Author: FirePhile (FirePhile@aol.com) Category: VA Rating: PG-13 Spoilers: Two Fathers Summary: Spender's thoughts - Post-Two Fathers Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine -- they belong to CC&Co, 1013 Productions and FOX Television network. Author's Note at end. So this is what it's like to hate. I thought I had experienced it before, the anger and the betrayal. I thought I hated Tom Sullivan in 11th grade when he took away my girlfriend and could have sworn I hated my first and second bosses, there was a reason we muttered "Miserable SOB's" when they weren't looking. More recently I was sure that the hatred I felt towards Fox Mulder could not possibly be outdone. I was wrong on all counts. What I feel now makes every other time little more than a mild dislike. My blood actually feels like it's boiling in my veins...like that *thing* on the floor tonight. For months I'd done my father's bidding like a servant -- not an equal. I thought I was an equal, hell I thought he was proud of me. It was the equivlant of being able to show him a good report card -- or of being the top athlete in my high school class. Only, my recent accomplishments would never be hung on a refrigerator door. I only wanted to make him proud of me...to show him I was worthy...of something. I hated the X-Files, hated my partner (who I barely saw anyway), wanted to rise up and out of there. Fucking bastard. He was using me all along, using my desire to please him and my need for power, against me. All he really wanted was to have someone keep Mulder down and last night taught me he also viewed Mulder as some sort of fucking saint. But, I can't feel anger at Mulder now...my fists are so tight my arms are beginning to throb and I want to hit something badly. No, I want to kill someone...I want to slap that smug look off his face and demand he tell me everything. Then, I want to shoot him.... No, for once this has nothing to do with me...this would be for Mom. If I could go back I would do everything different...I wouldn't try to hide her...I wouldn't...mentally deride her when she told me what had happened. I'd believe her. I'd listen to her and try to find out what was happening. I would have become...Mulder. It's how I've felt these past few days, trying to find out what happened to my mom, where she was for almost a year...finding who was responsible.... But, now I know who took my mom and why and I've come to the frightening realization that I helped it happen. Unwittingly I helped the experiments continue. And knowingly I helped my father retain control -- regain control. I never knew who he was exactly...or what he was doing. I was blinded by the light of absolute power. And while I was gaining a position my mom was being subjected to horrible tests and that asshole knew about them and he just let me continue with his work. Hell, he ordered them...what kind of man could do that to...anyone? I can't let this continue...it can't go on. I have to stop him, I have to...destroy him. Cut off the head of the Medusa before he turns another man's heart to stone. No, I realize what a fool I've been...how easily manipulated and how he probably laughed behind my back the entire time. Well...lets see if he's laughing when I shove a gun into his face or go and tell Mulder everything I know. Et Tu Jeffrey? Literary allusions aside...it has to be done. Only the child can destroy the father and it's time for the Rein of Terror to end. This is for you mom. I cradle the gun in my pocket and run towards my father's house. It's time for the devil to die. END. Author's Note: I felt sorry for Spender after seeing "Two Fathers"... my muse did too. "Father of Mine" is from the song by Everclear. Send any feedback to FirePhile@aol.com -- thanks for reading!