Title: To Make Amends
Author: Anna Otto
E-mail: anna_otto@hotmail.com
11/15/97

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, 
and FOX, and are used without permission. No copyright 
infringement is intended, no monetary profit is made. 

Classification: V
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Redux 1,2.
Archive: Yes, anywhere
Feedback: Yes, please! Mail all comments to anna_otto@hotmail.com

Summary: Thoughts of Cancerman at the end of the Redux 2. 

I wish he knew that I am not his enemy. Even if we are on the opposite
sides of the barricade, he is one soldier that I will never aim for. Too 
late - though I hope to correct that - I have realized that my passivity in
conjunction with the circumstances out of my direct control may serve 
as his ruin as surely as if I had shot him point blank. 

The man I am worried about must have been born under an 
extraordinary alignment of stars. He is not lucky, for he lost more than 
he gained and his goal continues to evade him. And yet, I watch him 
with envy and longing, wishing my life was suffused with this much 
passion and goodness. Alas, I am past the point of choice in the matter,
and I have to believe that what I am doing is right. I am an integral part
of the project and I am not planning to resign. But I will not assist in his 
destruction.

The moment I was informed of his suicide, I felt genuine sorrow 
simultaneously with disbelief settle in my mind. Later, I was not 
surprised to have my instincts validated, but I was surprised to feel, 
along with admiration for his skills, a certain measure of relief. That's 
when I knew: I must not purposely put any more obstructions in his way. 
Moreover, I must try to help him. 

Contrary to what he may think, I never participated in what was done to 
his partner - at least, not directly. I respect her, she is a serious player 
in our game, but I would not lose sleep over her death. Unfortunately, he
would - and I had to prevent that, as much as I could. There is still no 
word on her condition, but I know it will soon improve. She must 
appreciate the irony of the chip in her neck... hopefully, it will only 
serve for good from now on.

However, it was he who found the cure; I merely pushed him in the right 
direction. Returning his sister was the indisputable testimony to my 
intentions. I must be more sentimental than I realized because as I watched 
their meeting, a dark shadow in the background, I felt satisfied. I will not 
lie, I knew that she would resist the association with him. I am a proud 
father, and I know my daughter well. Still, I suppose I would have loved 
an exchange of phone numbers, addresses, names of her kids, and the 
rest of the family matters. I am family, aren't I?

That's why I felt like Darth Vader offering Luke Skywalker to join the 
dark forces. Pop culture did not evade me, and the analogy is almost perfect. 
I am not a fool, and I know that my position in the consortium is 
precarious. If he crossed over the barricade, if he opened this door to the 
place above the law, we would have benefited mutually. I am as certain of 
that as I am of my memories of the days long gone. The only evidence to 
corroborate my recollections is the picture I am holding in my hands. 
I took it from his apartment shamelessly, and I didn't even consider it a 
theft. This past belongs to me, too.

His integrity was not compromised. Every Luke Skywalker tends to behave 
in such predictable, simple, and oh so admirable fashion. Am I proud of him? 
Without a doubt. But that does not change my situation, which I know is 
dire at the moment. I am taking the necessary precautions, of course, one 
of them having lunch with my child. If I am killed, I will have said goodbye 
to her. My life has not been in vain, and I did some good. Not nearly enough 
for redemption, but enough to let me look in her eyes without shame. 

I will try to persuade my daughter to give her brother a chance to know 
her. All along, my most terrible crime was destroying his family in 
favor of building my own. Luke Skywalker must have his Princess Leia, 
for he has waited long enough. 

The show must go on. 

END

P.S. Oh, of course he is not dead! CC would never kill that character... 
There is no one else so well-suited for torturing M & S.